Friday, November 25, 2005

More Cell Phone Ideas..........

OK, It's been awhile since I unloaded on drivers who talk on the phone when they should be just driving. Now, this doesn't mean I haven't had any experiences avoiding these AssMonkeys lately.

Far from it.

It's getting harder and harder to drive anywhere without having to dodge some Doofus or Doofette, chattering on the phone when they should be focusing their limited intellectual prowess on ............... Friggin' Driving!

The only good thing about the cold weather setting in around here is that I'm not likely to be run over and killed on the motorcycle by some Chattering Nitwit for the next 3 months or so. I only have to dodge them in the car for now.

But I have an idea.

All cell phones should be equipped with a small chunk of C-4 embedded in them.
All vehicles should have a "You're being an Asshole" button mounted in an easily accessed point on the dash.

Whenever you're out on the publik highways and byways and some Cellphone Cretin is menacing your navigation, you push the button. BOOM!!! Problem solved.

You might think about being in front of them when you push the button though. Aww Shit. If you're stupid enough to push the button while you're behind them ....... You probably should for the rest of us.

Ok, being the good guy that I am, One instance of bad behavior is not enough to deploy the C-4 in a proper fashion. Make it a cumulative thing. Let's say ....... 10 or 20 hits on the counter. Then .................. BOOM!!

That still too harsh for you? How about this, after a certain number of hits on the counter, a nice electrical charge is dumped into your ear. OUCH!!

Hey, it works in dog training.

I'm sure piercings would add to the whole effect. And probably look cool at night. A couple of good jolts (escalating in intensity each time) should alert 'em to the fact that they may be getting close to ........ BOOM!!

Yeah, I know it's harsh. And having young Brittany's head blown off her shoulders while she's blabbering about some "Totally, hot guy who just passed me", may be traumatic to the fragile Psychological health of whatever Airhead she happens to be sharing this important info with. Tuff Shit.

"But what about the danger involved to other drivers when Brittany's headless corpse is left driving her Pontiac Sunfire in heavy traffic" You ask? - Darwin rules.

Granted, it would be a little messy at first. And yes, a few Dumbass Soccer Moms, (Headless, Dumbass, Soccer Moms BTW) would end up taking the little ones strapped in the back for a little unexpected ride.

"What about the children?" Hey, if their Mother was stupid enough to collect enough hits on the "Talk to Darwin line" of the cellphone ........... You don't that DNA in the genepool anyway.

"Gosh, Unk. That's awfully harsh of you. Endangering the lives of innocents like that?"

Excuse the shit out of me, but driving around with a friggin' phone stuck on your ear and your head up your ass is "Endangering the lives of innocents" now.

This idea, obviously in the developmental stages, came to me the other day while driving to work. Some Dickhead was Text Messaging while driving in bumper to bumper traffic. Total moron. I couldn't get far enough away from him fast enough.

Phones could be setup to differentiate between text messaging and regular cell use too. Text messaging would count double.

I NEVER carry a firearm with me because of people like that. I'd be afraid I'd use it on some Dickhead who desparately needs it.

Even though it would be a public service to remove these oxygen thieves from the planet ..... Some asshole would complain about it.


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