Weight Loss Plan..........

So I'm standing in line at WalMart the other day, with a bag of Dog Chow under each arm. The lady behind me is having a, "Here's your sign" moment and asks me if I have a dog?

I'm like, WTF?, so on impulse I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I woke up in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most everywhere and IV's in both arms.

Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

Going on, I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital?

I said no . . . I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls when the car hit me.

Gratuitous Picture for a Thursday Afternoon-