Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Why You Should Aways Be Nice ......

I learned a lot of things while in The US Army. Lessons that have served me well ever since.
Focus, Discipline, Respect, Personal Responsibility and a host of other Good Shit.

Early one morning in the California desert I learned about being nice to strangers even when you're the boss and technically, you don't really have to be.

A little background first. At the time, I belonged to The 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment and we had been selected to go to a training rotation at National Training Center at Fort Irwin, Ca. Ft. Irwin is located way the hell out in the middle of the Mojave desert.
Not far from Death Valley.

Yep. That's it.
Hotter than hell. Dusty & Nasty. A great place for "Good Army Training".
Or so said, Sgt Dave. The crazy bastard, who attempted to murder me on my 2nd trip out there. (Link above for story)

The NTC is a very intense training environment. 2 weeks straight of hot days, cold nights, no sleep battles and hard work. With a week on each end of unloading, loading and cleaning that fucking sand out of everything you own.
Along the way you acquire a nasty case of, The Funk Ass, CheeseDick and SandCrack from not showering for at least 2 weeks straight in that environment. Good Army Training indeed.

The Night I learned about being nice, one of the Troopers had not latched down the hatch or his vehicle. Now the hatches on these armored vehicles are big heavy steel and the hinges are spring loaded to make it possible to close them easily when it comes time to "Button up" in a hurry. What happens if you don't have the hatch latched securely is this. You're motoring along across the desert and hit a big bump. The hatch gets lift and whacks you in the back of the head.

That would be bad enough, but it usually drives your face into the rim of the vehicle at the same time. Most folks hope it's not the teeth that make contact on the 2nd blow. Not pretty.

Our trooper had gotten a good sized laceration on both the back of his head and his chin from the blows. Along with knocking his ass out cold and down he went, into his track.
My partner and I sutured up his lacerations, but we were worried because he had really taken a shot to the melon and wasn't acting right. Afraid that his brain may have been scrambled we decided to evac him in to see the Chief Warrant Officer, who was the medical officer for the squadron.

Sgt White, his Platoon Sgt came along with us. Sgt White was a big, black E6 who took good care of his guys and was a pretty good, no nonsense guy. We got our trooper back to the aid station and turned him over to Chief.

Now the cooks just happened to be set up next to the aid station, so we stopped in and they were nice enough to give us a loaf of bread and a can each of peanut butter and jelly.

HEAVEN! It was around 3 am by now and we were all glad that dumbass had smashed his head, without killing himself, while we ate PB&J's enjoying our treat.

About then a jeep pulls up and this little 2nd lieutenant jumps out looking like he really had a mission to do. We all saluted him and he took one look at our PB&J fixins and stated, none to politely, "I'll be right back and I want one of those. So get busy." I said "Yes sir" and started grabbing bread. Only to be stopped by Sgt White, who said, "Let me make the LT a sandwich." I started to say something and Sgt White just glared at me, so I let him have at it.

The good Sgt then proceeded to drop his BDU pants right there and roll the 2 peices of bread around his nasty, dirty, funky Schlong before adding the PB&J. Then he calmly pulled up his pants and slapped the sandwich together just as LT Shithead came stalking out again. The LT never said a word and just held out his hand as he went by. Sgt White never said a word as he handed it to him. LT Shithead jumped into the jeep and drove off eating that nasty, PB&J with Dickcheese sandwich.

Nobody said a word for a few moments till Sgt White said "Mutha Fucka should be a little nicer. Hope he likes the taste of my dick." We all busted up and laughed so hard an officer from one of the other tents stuck his head out and told us to STFU.

Sgt White suggested we have another sandwich and head back and started to reach for the bread when I stopped him and said "I'll make 'em this time thanks."


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