Friday, August 26, 2005

Doc Asshole Gets His....

In the post below - The Broken Neck, I mentioned the Doctor who was being an asshole telling me my foot needed to be amputated while I was lying there on a gurney after getting in a Motorcycle wreck. I swore I'd get even with that asshole and here's how it happened .........

I was starting a new job and had to have a physical. They told me to show up early the next morning and the Doc would be in the building to do employee physicals. I showed up the next day at the appointed hour and took a seat. I was the 3rd or 4th on the list to see the Doc that morning and I was sitting there reading the paper and drinking coffee when in HE came. It was the SOB who had given me the shit about "Looks like we'll have to amputate" when I'd been in a cycle wreck almost 10 years prior.

I'd been pissed at that asshole for 10 years and here was my chance to get even with that old Bastard and I was totally without a plan! Shit. You'd have thought that maybe, in 10 years time, I'd have generated some sort of snappy thing to say, if and when the opportunity presented itself to see this asshole again ... but no. As usual, I was totally unprepared.

I was bummed and disappointed with myself and trying to think of something good, when the nurse called my name first. Oh shit. I resigned myself to just dealing with missing this opportunity and walked up to the desk. She put me in a little, and I mean little, room about 6 x 8 feet. With the chair, stool and desk, there was very little unused floor space and it was quite cramped. Doc asshole came in soon afterward and I noticed he didn't have my chart or any papers with him. I figured that was odd but really didn't think much of it at first.

Now, I had known this guy for most of my life as he was our family Doc but it had been well over 10 years since I'd seen him as a patient. Only our brief encounter when he pissed me off being a wiseass when I was hurt from the crash 10 years prior. I had grown up, grown a beard and had long hair now. He didn't even know my name and just told me to strip to the waist. He listened to my chest and lungs. Looked in my eyes, ears and mouth. Then he told me to drop my pants to do the dreaded hernia check. ALL Docs use the the same standard line when doing the hernia check - "Turn your head and cough". Doc asshole was no exception. He was sitting on a low stool in the corner of this really small makeshift exam room as he told me to "Turn your head and cough". I was standing there with my schmuck in his face and him backed into the corner. I began to move in towards him, slowly invading his space, while I answered - "Is it ok if I just moan softly?". His eyes popped open like 2 big saucers and he began to stutter like Elmer Fudd "Nnnnnn NO!". It was beautiful. For just a moment I had owned him and he knew it. I began to laugh and backed up. He started to get huffy with me and I laughed again and told him I'd waited 10 years to get even with him. He still didn't know who I was. So I reminded him of the "Amputate your foot" remark as I told him who I was. He called me a "No good SOB" and half heartedly laughed while he finished his exam. He was still white as a sheet when I left the exam room.
My revenge was complete. Sometimes life just works out for you.

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