Giant Insect Attack This Morning..............

I'm not really a morning guy anymore.

After working night shifts for so long, my normal, "Early to bed. Early to rise." cycle that operated so well for the first 40 years of my life died, got kicked in the hole and has been quietly waiting for me to join it for a decade or so now. I don't function to well before 9 or 10 am these days.

So this morning, I'm driving to the ER in the Little Blue Truck. It's about 0530, with a slight rain. I'm drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette. About half asleep.

Normal shit.

WHEN THIS SUMBITCH CAME FLYING THRU THE WINDOW AND HIT ME IN THE NECK!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!

That Bastard whacked me right in the throat.

Scared the livin' shit out of me. Coffee goes all over me and the truck. Marlboro gets dropped onto the carpet and there's this cloud of dust like shit floating in the interior of the truck where Mothra disintegrated on contact! It felt like the damn thing was the size of a hammer or something. Whacked the shit out of me. It was Huge!!

I got all the tires back on the pavement, picked up my smoke before it started a fire and tried to get my friggin' heart to stop beating so fast, all the while cursing all of G-ds creations to hell.

AND THEN I FELT THE LITTLE BASTARD CRAWLING ACROSS MY BELLY. UNDER MY SHIRT!!!!!!!!

No, I shit you not. This thing was so big I could feel all 6 of it's legs moving across my skin. I guess it figured since it's initial Kamikaze attack didn't kill me, it was gonna go for my Nards next.

I about flipped out. I began whacking the hell out of my chest and stomach like a retard trying to kill the damn thing, while weaving all over the road. Finally, I got my brain engaged and found the little bastard through my scrub top and crushed him between my fingers.

Mothra soup. Yuck! I'll bet He would have tipped the scales at a couple of pounds at least.

Totally disgusting mess. I had to pull over and clean up as best I could before I could continue. It's lucky I had an old rag in the truck with me or I'd of had to turn around right there and go home & change.

That Monster damn near gave me a case of the vapors.

Needless to say, for the first time in a long while, I was fully awake when I got to work this morning.

Update: In the Comments, Surly (My Crazy Nephew), correctly notes that things could have been a lot worse - "Be thankful it wasn't Gamera. A giant turtle would have killed you."

Quite right.