Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New Year!!!!!
I was planning to go to a New Years celebration tonight, something I haven't done in years. Re-aggravated my sore back last night while moving a fat patient from an EMS cart to our ER bed.

Crap. No party for me. Looks like QueenBuffness and I will be spending the evening limping around the "GrumpyUnk Command and Control Bunker" instead.

Not that that's such a bad thing. But a party would have been ok, too.

So, here's wishing each and every one of you a Happy New Year. I hope you all had a good year and that next year will be even better!

Add on here:
Here's Tony Bennett giving you a little encouragement for the coming new year.

Left Wing, Scumbag Lawyer, Keys Marines Car....
I realize that's redundant but Grrrrrrrrr. This kinda crap just makes me want to cause harm to someone.

It seems that a young Marine was visiting a friend in Chicago while on leave and this Piece of Shit Lawyer took exception to the Marine decals on his car. Our young Marine caught the Prick keying his car and summoned Chicago's finest.

You need to read the story, and as you're not likely to see it in the MSM go here - Black Five and check this shit out.

The Chicago Legal Machine appears to be willing to screw this kid in order to protect one of their own. And Young Marine has to deploy back to Iraq in a day or so.

Bastards. A pox on them all.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

By request, here's another one from the archives.
Guitar Stories................

I've been playing guitar for about 34 years now. Sounds like a long time and I guess it is.

Now that I think of it, I ought to be much better than I am after all that time. But I never really wanted to be a "Guitar God" or anything. I started playing mainly to pick up girls.

Yeah, big surprise that one. I had a buddy who was as ugly as Fidos Ass, but he picked up the girls because he could halfass play guitar. I figured if that ugly mutt could do that and I'm only half as ugly as him................... Yeah, a plan was formed and I went out and got a cheap Epiphone acoustic box.

I had played guitar for about 6 months when I was 13 but that shit was a lot like work and I was so ADD (Attention Defecit Disorder) I just couldn't do it and being forced to practice made me just wanna break stuff. Mom got tired of fighting about it and that was that for 5-6 years till I got the Epiphone.

I found that I really liked to play. I didn't pick up any girls but that was ok too. I played the shit out of that cheap ass Epiphone for several years. The neck got loose and had a big bow in it, but I kept right on with it.

I finally acquired a newer box this way.........

I was working a construction job in Iowa and was in the hotel bar getting good and drunk one night with the foreman and his beautiful wife Alice. In walks this big dude playing a nice guitar, rather poorly. He looked kinda like Hank Williams Jr, but had even less talent.

He said, "Call me Otis". So we did.

We sat there awhile and proceeded to get more drunk and finally went up to Otis' room to burn some rope I happened to have with me.

Like I said, Otis was a big fella. But Otis was a lightweight. John, the foreman, and I were pretty close to Olympic class drinkers at that time and Otis was not up to the task of trying to keep up with us. That would've been ok, but the more he drank, the more he kept trying to hit on Alice. Remember Alice?

Bad move.

John told Otis to keep his hands to himself ......... Twice. Once more than most guys would've and I thought that was pretty nice. Twice wasn't good enough though. Otis Put his hand on Alices' leg again and John quietly got up and excused himself. I didn't know what he had in mind, but I knew it wasn't gonna be good for ol' Otis.

I think subconsciously, Otis must have known it too. His lack of beer drinking KungFu, coupled with the rope we'd burned, made his belly decide that it was a good time to do a crash evacuation maneuver of all contaminants. He bolted to the bathroom and started puking his guts out. Alice and I started getting ourselves ready to go when John came back.

With a tire iron.

And hostile intent.

John was NOT a fella to get riled up. He had every intention of beating Otis to a friggin' pulp and at this point, only Otis' lightweight constitution and the locked bathroom door had saved him. With some difficulty, Alice and I kept him from beating in the door to get at Otis and killing him.

To this day I believe we saved the life of that dumbass.

John was in a cold fury and started looking all around for something to vent on. And saw that nice guitar sitting against the wall.

Up came the tire iron...............

and I snatched it right out of his hand from behind. And it was a damn good thing I had it too, 'cause he whipped around and gave me a look that flat scared the shit out of me.

I told him not to smash up a perfectly good guitar just because it's owner was an asshole. Well, He snatched that guitar up and was getting ready to smash it into the wall when Alice said she wanted it. Alice didn't have any desire to own a guitar, but she was smart enough to know that a guitar smashing spree at 2 o'clock in the morning would just about guarantee us all going to jail. Smart girl.

John just handed it to her and that was that. We all left to the sound of Otis blowing chunks in the crapper.

As we split up at our rooms, Alice handed me the guitar and said, "Here, I don't want this piece of shit. You take it."

I've had it ever since. The statute of limitations for that crime ran out about 1984, so I guess I can tell the story now. It's been a good friend and companion through many adventures. But it's never been as good a friend to me as it was to Otis.

It saved his life.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Damn. Tweaked My Back Again.......
Just turning around yesterday. Didn't do anything exciting or strenuous, just turned around and ...... wham!
I hate it.

In other news, one of the dogs got hit by a car last night.

I got home from work last night a little after Midnight and as is usual, let the 3 stooges out to do their doggie thing. The little one, who doesn't listen to well on a good day, took off across the road to leave a dump in the field there.

And then proceeded to stand in the middle of the road while a car came bearing down on him. Just frickin' stood there. The driver finally saw him and hit the brakes hard and swerved to avoid him.

But he got clipped. I couldn't see exactly what happened but I was really surprised when he got up and came running to the house. Lost some fur and had a shitload of road rash. No obvious fractures, as everything seems to work correctly.

He's been laying around all morning and whining when he does move much today. Queen Buffness has his dumbass at the Vet's office now, so we'll what comes of this later.

I've been laying around myself today, but I don't think I need to go to the Vet yet.

Mr Motrin is my friend. Along with an ice pack.
I see a nap coming.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Just in Case You Were Wondering .....

Saw This today while over at Bane's Place


Find lpn programs near you

Somehow he rated 3% higher than I did. To bad were not neighbors.
From the "I Stepped On My Crank" Files ....

Comes This - Will Smith: Hitler was a good person'

Oh Sweet, Jesus what was he thinking?

He says, "Even Hitler didn't wake up going, 'Let me do the most evil thing I can do today'."

I'm sure he meant to say George Bush. That's ok.

Update: I saw that today, Will Smith Blasts Gossip Sites for Misinterpreting Quote About Hitler

I just couldn't believe, he or anyone else interested in maintaining a career in Hollywood could be so stupid as to say nice shit about Hitler. You decide.

I'll give him a pass on this one.

You can never go wrong betting on the MSM misquoting someone. let's face it, they've not been doing to well in the accuracy department the last few years.

This is one of my favorites from the archives. I should have used this as an answer to the Christmas questions in the post below.

The Best Christmas Gift I Ever Got ...........

Wasn't even a gift intended for me, nor did I get to keep it. I know that doesn't make sense, so let me explain ...........

Christmas Eve 1999, I was working the day shift and it was a relatively slow morning so far. It was about 25 degrees out, snowing pretty hard and it looked like we were gonna get a white Christmas.

At about 8:15 that morning, a young fella comes strolling in the backdoor and tells me he needs a wheelchair for his wife, who he tells me is ready to deliver her baby. Cool. He's acting all cool and shit, so I scoop up a wheelchair and head out towards the back. I'm asking him all the stock questions as we go. Seems her water broke about 30 minutes ago. It's her second child and she hasn't had any contractions yet.

These are all good answers and he was right on 2 out of 3.

We go outside and I see a brand new shiny red Mustang GT parked at the curb with a young woman in the passanger seat. And that's when I also noted that she had - THE LOOK.

Uh Oh.

Now Dad was still not aware that things were not quite as he believed them to be at this point, but I started moving faster and paying less attention to him and more towards what I was seeing in the Mustang.

Sure as shit, when I got close, the young Mother looked out the open window at me and screamed - "The Baby's Coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I hauled ass over there and she's got both feet up on the dashboard grunting and puffing like Teddy Kennedy at a Sorority House Party. She tells me the baby's coming and I believe her at this point. Oh Crap!! My "Pucker Factor" hits Warp 9 and I send Dad running back to the ER for Backup.

The young Lady had on a pair of white sweat pants so I just pulled them out and ......... DAMN!!
The Kid's head is already out!!! I yanked her pants down, kinda up in this case, and was really wondering where my coworkers and Doctor were at this point.

Now she's in the front bucket seat of a little sportscar with her feet up on the dashboard. The ergonomics were not real good for delivering a Baby, so I'm fumbling like mad, trying to find the seat release to lay that seat back.

She's sweating and grunting. I'm sweating and scared as hell and trying to find that damn seat release, when all of a sudden I found it.

She was braced, with those feet on the dash, pushing like hell when I popped that seat release and ...... WHAM!! That seat flew back and that Kid came flying out of there like a shot!

Now, I'm a "Crosseyed Little FuckTard" or CELF, and have the hand/eye coordination of most Garden Slugs, but I made a one handed stab that would have made any Major League Shortstop proud and snatched that Kid up in midflight and then immediately went into brain lock.

Thank G-d, the brain lock only lasted a few seconds as that Kid was blue as a Smurf and not breathing. My brain re-engaged and I started rubbing the little shit, while keeping it's (I didn't know what the sex was yet) head point down to drain anything from it's mouth.

After what seemed like an eternity, that kid took a big ol' breath and then let out a very nice sounding cry. Mom and I started breathing again at that point.

Finally, Suzie came out the back door with a cart and Dad was right behind her. Now remember, it was 25 degrees out and snowing hard and I'm holding this steaming little baby and trying to figure out what the hell to do next. I calmly screamed like a little school girl, "I GOT A DAMN BABY HERE!!!!!" I then had Dad take off his Greatful Dead, tie dye tee shirt and utilized it as a swaddling cloth.

The Doctor finally came sauntering out, taking his sweet ass time and Suzie about ran his ass over carrying the "Precipitous Delivery Package" out to the car.

So here I am holding this slimey little bundle in my bare hands and the first word out of Dumbass Doc's mouth is to ask me for a Bulb syringe so he can suction out the baby's mouth.

I politely replied that, "I would be happy to shit one out for you if you have a minute, but I really thought you may have thought to bring one with you. Asshole". He was not impressed with my answer. We clamped and cut the cord and Doc, Suzie and Dad took off inside with the Baby, leaving Mom and me still out in the car.

I looked at mom, and since she was a little bitty thing, I just reached in and snatched her ass up and tossed her on the cart. Her pants were still down around her ankles and her ass was hanging out in the wind, but I figured it was the thing to do at the time. She didn't seem to mind.

As I was wheeling her into the ER she asked me if it was a Boy or a Girl.

I had no clue. I had held the Baby face down the entire time and never even saw the business side of things.

Turned out it was a 6 lb 6 oz little Girl who had all her fingers and toes in order and she did just fine. Mom and Baby were moved up to the OB floor shortly afterward.

So that was the best Christmas gift I never got - 7 years ago today. I forget what they named her, but I wanted to call her "Mustang Sally".

But nobody asked me.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Christmas at Arlington .....

I found this picture over at The Freedom Folks a couple of years ago. Magnificent. Maybe my favorite Christmas photo.

I've been Tagged ....
With a Meme. By the King Tiger.

I generally avoid this kind of thing, but in the spirit of Christmas and all that. He says there's some kinda law regarding this sort of thing, too.
So........ here goes.

Christmas Facts about YerUnk.

1. Wrapping or gift bags? - Both. I wrap like a retarded Monkey.

2. Real or artificial tree? - Fake

3. When do you put up the tree? 2 weeks before Christmas

4. When do you take the tree down? - Early in January

5. Do you like eggnog? - Nope

6. Favorite gift received as a child? - Tuff one. My folks were pretty good about picking gifts. Maybe the heavy sleeping bag when I was about 14. Our house didn't have heat upstairs where I slept.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? - Two. One made by the wife's Grandma.

8. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? - A rock. BUT I WAS DAMN GLAD TO GET IT! Not like you damn kids nowadays!

9. Mail or email Christmas cards? - Not my department.

10. Favorite Christmas movie? - Damn that George Bailey!

11. When do you start shopping for Christmas? - Shopping? Oh Shit!

12. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? - Cookies

13. Clear lights or colored? - both

14. Favorite Christmas song? - Nat King Cole, The Christmas Song or Elvis, Blue Christmas

15. Travel at Christmas or stay at home? - Home. I'm always working either Christmas Eve or day

16. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? - I'm lucky to remember the kids names.

17. Angel or star on the top of your tree? - Angel

18. Open your presents Christmas Eve or Christmas morning? - Both

19. Most annoying thing about this time of year? - Christmas in the ER. Worst day of the year.

20. What do you leave for Santa? - Beer

21. Least favorite holiday song? - Little Drummer Boy

22. Do you decorate your tree with any specific theme or color? - nope

23. Favorite ornament? - Pink Flamingo

OK. That's that. "The rules" say I'm supposed to Tag 7 other folks with this. Naw, can't do that, but I will tag Jean 'Cause she's a good sport.

Treated Myself for Christmas ......
To one of these. A Browning Buckmark .22 caliber-

Actually, I bought it for my Birthday, which was a couple of weeks ago.
Got a couple of extra clips and 2 large boxes of .22 LR.


Man this thing is totally fun. It's the first semi auto I've ever owned. So accurate it's scary. Puts 'em right where you point it. Not always where you think it's gonna go, but that's my fault, not the pistol.

Went out and fired off a couple of hundred rounds through it today and had a ball. YerUnk gives it the thumbs up seal of approval.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Great Quote .......
From Days of our Trailers -

Anti Gunner- "What shortcoming are you Gun Nuts trying to compensate for?" Pro Gunner- "I am compensating for the fact that I can't throw a rock at 1000 feet per second."

Now that's good and earns a Gratuitous Hottie with a pistol picture!
Great Campaign Ad .....
I saw this over at
Right Wing News last night. I'm sure it's not officially endorsed by THE FRED! but it probably should be.

Personally, I like The FRED! and hope he starts kicking ass and taking names.
The Christmas Season .....
is upon us and I've been a little slow on rolling out the usual Christmas stuff again.

Here's a very NSFW Christmas Song I discovered over at Roger's Place today.

Holy Shit, it's Christmas.


Monday, December 17, 2007

Global Warming. Coming to a Wallet Near You .......
Noted this quote at Right Wing News this morning.
They're not even trying to disguise their intentions anymore -

"When the chips are down I think democracy is a less important goal than is the protection of the planet from the death of life, the end of life on it," he says. "This has got to be imposed on people whether they like it or not."

Or so says, Mayer Hillman, senior fellow emeritus at the Policy Studies Institute.

When are people gonna realize that the whole Global Warming scam is all about money and control?

Never forget - The Goricle and all the Green Weenies are like Watermelons. Green on the outside. Red on the inside.

Update: SondraK has a nice little note on the how Global Warming effects some folks at the UN. This makes Yer Unk laugh.

Update 2 - Here's a nice collection of silly shit that the UN pukes were up to in Bali. Via, The Jawa Report Here's just a taste -

A climate change response must have at its heart a redistribution of wealth and resources,” said Emma Brindal, a climate justice campaigner coordinator for Friends of the Earth.

I'm telling you, they're Watermelons.

Dan Fogelberg ......
Passed away yesterday morning. He'd been suffering from Prostate cancer for several years.
Story Here
I always liked his music. Very talented singer, songwriter and a hell of a good guitar player.

Damn Cancer. Rest in peace, Dan.

Here's one of my favorite Fogelberg songs -
Part of the plan

Friday, December 14, 2007

You Wish ......
You could have done it.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

A Real Hero ........
The Emperor Misha has a great post about a true American HERO.

Navy Corpsman Joshua Chiarini and the story of how he earned The Silver Star. Great read and very inspiring. Click on his name and go read about it.

I love these kids. Please consider supporting our troops during this Holiday Season. Lots of good ways to do it. Start by checking out the sites over on the right in the links if you need help .
Why You Should Aways Be Nice ......

I learned a lot of things while in The US Army. Lessons that have served me well ever since.
Focus, Discipline, Respect, Personal Responsibility and a host of other Good Shit.

Early one morning in the California desert I learned about being nice to strangers even when you're the boss and technically, you don't really have to be.

A little background first. At the time, I belonged to The 3rd Armored Cavalry Regiment and we had been selected to go to a training rotation at National Training Center at Fort Irwin, Ca. Ft. Irwin is located way the hell out in the middle of the Mojave desert.
Not far from Death Valley.

Yep. That's it.
Hotter than hell. Dusty & Nasty. A great place for "Good Army Training".
Or so said, Sgt Dave. The crazy bastard, who attempted to murder me on my 2nd trip out there. (Link above for story)

The NTC is a very intense training environment. 2 weeks straight of hot days, cold nights, no sleep battles and hard work. With a week on each end of unloading, loading and cleaning that fucking sand out of everything you own.
Along the way you acquire a nasty case of, The Funk Ass, CheeseDick and SandCrack from not showering for at least 2 weeks straight in that environment. Good Army Training indeed.

The Night I learned about being nice, one of the Troopers had not latched down the hatch or his vehicle. Now the hatches on these armored vehicles are big heavy steel and the hinges are spring loaded to make it possible to close them easily when it comes time to "Button up" in a hurry. What happens if you don't have the hatch latched securely is this. You're motoring along across the desert and hit a big bump. The hatch gets lift and whacks you in the back of the head.

That would be bad enough, but it usually drives your face into the rim of the vehicle at the same time. Most folks hope it's not the teeth that make contact on the 2nd blow. Not pretty.

Our trooper had gotten a good sized laceration on both the back of his head and his chin from the blows. Along with knocking his ass out cold and down he went, into his track.
My partner and I sutured up his lacerations, but we were worried because he had really taken a shot to the melon and wasn't acting right. Afraid that his brain may have been scrambled we decided to evac him in to see the Chief Warrant Officer, who was the medical officer for the squadron.

Sgt White, his Platoon Sgt came along with us. Sgt White was a big, black E6 who took good care of his guys and was a pretty good, no nonsense guy. We got our trooper back to the aid station and turned him over to Chief.

Now the cooks just happened to be set up next to the aid station, so we stopped in and they were nice enough to give us a loaf of bread and a can each of peanut butter and jelly.

HEAVEN! It was around 3 am by now and we were all glad that dumbass had smashed his head, without killing himself, while we ate PB&J's enjoying our treat.

About then a jeep pulls up and this little 2nd lieutenant jumps out looking like he really had a mission to do. We all saluted him and he took one look at our PB&J fixins and stated, none to politely, "I'll be right back and I want one of those. So get busy." I said "Yes sir" and started grabbing bread. Only to be stopped by Sgt White, who said, "Let me make the LT a sandwich." I started to say something and Sgt White just glared at me, so I let him have at it.

The good Sgt then proceeded to drop his BDU pants right there and roll the 2 peices of bread around his nasty, dirty, funky Schlong before adding the PB&J. Then he calmly pulled up his pants and slapped the sandwich together just as LT Shithead came stalking out again. The LT never said a word and just held out his hand as he went by. Sgt White never said a word as he handed it to him. LT Shithead jumped into the jeep and drove off eating that nasty, PB&J with Dickcheese sandwich.

Nobody said a word for a few moments till Sgt White said "Mutha Fucka should be a little nicer. Hope he likes the taste of my dick." We all busted up and laughed so hard an officer from one of the other tents stuck his head out and told us to STFU.

Sgt White suggested we have another sandwich and head back and started to reach for the bread when I stopped him and said "I'll make 'em this time thanks."

Friday, December 07, 2007

The End of the World .......

Andrew Bolt has a delightful column today regarding the scare mongering of Al Gore and Global Warming and why he isn't all that worried.

Welcome to my nightmare.

He recalls some of the better "We're all gonna die!" scenarios from the last 30-40 years. Puts a bit of historical perspective on things. Read it and enjoy.

Never Forget .........

Sunday morning, December 7, 1941.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Why I Love Rachael
lucas ......

She rips the AssMonkees from "The Harvard Crimson" a new one over this Brilliant Editorial - The Second Amendment is an anachronism in need of repeal

She rocks. In a big way.

I have been remiss in not updating the links on the sidebar. The 3 of you who read this shit should be checking her out. No one rips like Rachael Lucas.

Those of you who enjoy shooting sports, believe in the second amendment or the right to protect yourself, should be paying attention to what's going on out there. There are a lot of folks who think you are a threat to society and would be happy to make you a criminal in the eyes of the law.

I'm gonna have to start a whole new section on second amendment (2A) stuff around here.
Overheard in the ER ......
"I was pro-life before I became a nurse."

Yep, you get that way after dealing with Zombies all the time.