Friday, June 29, 2007

Good Thing We're All Adults Here!!!!!!
Well, chronologically, anyway. As a male, my definition of "Adult. Or Adult Behaviour" may differ with that of 50% of the population.

Online Dating

"This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

shit (25x) hell (14x) bastard (5x) zombie (4x) bastards (3x) dead (2x) shits (1x)"

They didn't even mention, "Fucknozzle", which is one of my favorites. 25 times for Shit is not surprising. It's one of the most useful words in the English Language and I use it frequently. I'd give examples of how useful it is, but it looks like all you have to do is look around a bit and see for yourself

And since when did "Zombie" become a bad word anyway? Well, the Zombies I know qualify as bad, so maybe that's why that word is flagged. You figure it out.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Rainy Day Motorcycle Ride ..............

I rode the BigBluePlasticMotorcycle into town today for my Doctor appointment. Like I said earlier, I've been using the bike for my basic mode of transportation for the last month and I just quit worrying to much if it's gonna rain or not.

Well, after I sat around in the waiting area for 45 minutes or so, I got in to see the Doc. He tells me that since the medicine didn't work at getting the Funk that's growing on my ear fixed up, he wants to "Remove it". In other words - Hack it out.

This is not a big surprise or anything, so some time next month he's gonna whack on my ear and take this Cancerous crap off.

OK. My only concern was - Am I gonna look like this?

Just wondering, ya know. That would be such a hassle.

He said since I wasn't doing the surgery myself, it would probably be a bit neater than Vincents'. He also said he could install a bolt in my head to hang my glasses onto. So that's cool.

When I left the place the sky was looking really funky, so I put my rain jacket on, just in case. Lucky I did.

Rained like crazy. Not a big deal, mind you. But it got me to thinking about all the years I rode around without any rain gear.

None. Zip. Nada. Just got wet.

It amazes me that for a couple of decades I just got wet when it rained. Why didn't I spend 20 or 30 bucks on a cheap rain suit? Beats the hell out of me. It wasn't like I couldn't have found a few bucks for a rain suit. Just never did.

Sometimes, we'd take a plastic garbage bag and cut a couple holes in it and that would help some. Till the wind ripped it to pieces. But mostly? We just sucked it up and kept riding. Just seemed like the thing to do.

I was laughing about this as I rode home in the downpour. Even with only part of the rain gear, I wasn't uncomfortable. Just a good helmet and jacket make a world of difference. I have no idea why I never had any rain gear when I was younger.

Friggin' Moron.

Seems I Should Have Been Watching ...........
The Homeland Security threat levels the other morning.
This was clearly posted.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Giant Insect Attack This Morning..............
I'm not really a morning guy anymore.

After working night shifts for so long, my normal, "Early to bed. Early to rise." cycle that operated so well for the first 40 years of my life died, got kicked in the hole and has been quietly waiting for me to join it for a decade or so now. I don't function to well before 9 or 10 am these days.

So this morning, I'm driving to the ER in the Little Blue Truck. It's about 0530, with a slight rain. I'm drinking a cup of coffee and smoking a cigarette. About half asleep.

Normal shit.


That Bastard whacked me right in the throat.

Scared the livin' shit out of me. Coffee goes all over me and the truck. Marlboro gets dropped onto the carpet and there's this cloud of dust like shit floating in the interior of the truck where Mothra disintegrated on contact! It felt like the damn thing was the size of a hammer or something. Whacked the shit out of me. It was Huge!!

I got all the tires back on the pavement, picked up my smoke before it started a fire and tried to get my friggin' heart to stop beating so fast, all the while cursing all of G-ds creations to hell.


No, I shit you not. This thing was so big I could feel all 6 of it's legs moving across my skin. I guess it figured since it's initial Kamikaze attack didn't kill me, it was gonna go for my Nards next.

I about flipped out. I began whacking the hell out of my chest and stomach like a retard trying to kill the damn thing, while weaving all over the road. Finally, I got my brain engaged and found the little bastard through my scrub top and crushed him between my fingers.

Mothra soup. Yuck! I'll bet He would have tipped the scales at a couple of pounds at least.

Totally disgusting mess. I had to pull over and clean up as best I could before I could continue. It's lucky I had an old rag in the truck with me or I'd of had to turn around right there and go home & change.

That Monster damn near gave me a case of the vapors.

Needless to say, for the first time in a long while, I was fully awake when I got to work this morning.

Update: In the Comments, Surly (My Crazy Nephew), correctly notes that things could have been a lot worse - "Be thankful it wasn't Gamera. A giant turtle would have killed you."
Quite right.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Happy Summer!!!!!!!!!!!!
Being the first day of Summer I decided to clean out and organize the garage. I have accomplished part of this job so far. Dogboy is on the way to town with a truckload of shit to drop off at the Goodwill. The Tax write off is a bonus.

I've finally been getting in some good miles on the "BigBluePlasticBike" in the last few weeks. I've been using it as the primary mode of transportation. I don't think I've driven my, Little Blue Truck in 2-3 weeks. This is not a bad thing.

I'd like to get the wife out later and take a little ride, but she's not been feeling to well lately.
I did take my friend, Dr Z on a ride yesterday. Now Dr Z is from Syria and had never been on anything bigger than a moped before. But he wanted to take a ride, so I was happy to oblige. I hooked him up with a helmet, jacket and some gloves and gave him the standard "Riders Briefing" and away we went.
He had a bit of a problem with the whole "Leaning the bike over in curves" thing that never really did get fixed. I'm pretty sure he's never gonna own a bike. I'm guessing that he's not all that keen on even riding again. He never did relax enough to just enjoy himself.
I went pretty easy on him too. I only cranked it over good a couple of times and that was to show him that he really wasn't gonna fall over. I don't think it helped. Matter of fact, I may have raised his "Pucker Factor" a bit too much and scared him. My bad.
Oh well. I tried. We did about 100 miles of back roads and he got out and saw a bit of the countryside that I don't think he's ever seen.
I had a good time anyway. And isn't that what it's all about?

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Weekend Theme in the ER ................
This weekends' theme?
Cervical fractures. Or, in layman's terms, a broken neck.

Ouch. Really, that's all you can say. It's not that uncommon to have some Poor Bastard come through the ER with a broken neck. But getting one a day on both days of a weekend is pretty strange. It's not like I work in some big Level 1 Trauma Center.

Both of these unfortunates were involved in motor vehicle crashes. One was buckled up and one wasn't. One was young and one was old. Both were Female. Only one was at fault. One Saturday and one today.

Both are probably wearing a HALO tonight.

What's a HALO you ask? Check this picture out.

That's a HALO. It's a fixation device that stabilizes the head and neck when you break shit that should remain in one piece. You know, like your Cervical Spine. See those pieces of hardware sticking out of the top ring? Yep, those are bolts that get drilled into your skull. They do make sure that your shit stays in place. Damn, that can't be any fun.
Those of you who own high end Milwaukee Brand Tools? Yep, they use real similar type tools when they install this shit. About the only difference between the tools you and I have in the garage and what Orthopedic Surgeons use is that Hospital Tools are usually cased in Stainless Steel and have a plastic cover. Makes the whole "Sterile Thing" a lot easier. I will say that there really is something to be said for "Sterile".

Generally speaking, "Clean" is OK when it comes to minor procedures. But there are times where "Clean" just isn't good enough. If you're drilling holes into MY head, the difference between "Clean and Sterile" would take on a whole different level of importance. Hey, that's just me. Your Mileage May Vary.

I don't want to scare you, but you'd be surprised how hard it is to really be "Sterile". Yes, even in an operating room, Sterile is hard (maybe impossible) to achieve, But let's face it, some things are just better Sterile.

Believe me, if you had to deal with the Zombies I do every day in the ER, this would be easy to understand and a Hell of a lot funnier. NO serously, jokes that have Zombies and Sterile in the same sentance are funny. You may not be getting the humor, but believe me ER Nurses get it.

Damn, I have to wonder how people survived some of the shit they did in the old days.

Yeah, I know. Generally speaking, they didn't.

Oh Hell, The whole Broken Neck Thing is a subject that's Near and Dear to me. Read about how I broke my shit way back when if you're interested.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Be Careful What You Say ....................
The 2 boneheads I work with, who are in the shooting post below this one, went to the big gun show Saturday. Look what they brought home for me -

Yep. Another Mosin-Nagant Rifle! An M-44 Carbine.

I've been saying how I wanted one to go along with the M91/30 ..... So they bought one for me. And now I have a nice 1946 M-44 to add to the collection.
Life is good. $100 well spent. Thank goodness for all the extra days I've been working. Still have to pay for it, but I'll get him squared up this week. (That was for you, Young'un!).
Shoulda' had 'em buy some more ammo too. I can see that at the rate I'm shooting it, the rounds I have won't last long.

My Father in Law and I went to the range this morning and fired off 100 rounds or so between the 2 Russian Rifles.
It shoots pretty well.

Here's a 100 yard target from the new M-44 rifle. Granted, it ain't gonna win any competitions, but it's better than last week. So things are looking up already. At least I got all but 1 in the black. I need to figure out consistency in everything. But practice is a whole lot of fun. If Guitar practice had been this fun I'd be kickin' Jimi Hendrix's ass by now.